Friday, July 30, 2010

No Page

Howdy Doody

Don’t ask me where this week went as I have absolutely no idea. Now, I confess – there is no new layout for next week. My bad. I just kind of lost my scrapping mojo this week and even found myself feeling slightly billious whenever I looked at all these colourful sheets of paper around me and bits of scrapping garnish.

However, the good news is that my soccer goodies for the World Cup 2010 page has finally arrived and I found myself looking at it all with something close to affection. So my plan is that I will devote a good part of my weekend to creating something lovely for the following week.
In the meantime, I know there are loads of you who are behind with workshops so I thought this would be a great time to play catch up. Or bring that box of unfinished pages in. And remember girls: NO MORE MUNCHIES during the workshops. You will be frisked on arrival and the sniffer dog will be on hand to ensure you are carrying nothing more than carrot sticks and low fat cottage cheese on your person.

Diarise: Scrapkits will be holding another Megacrop at Sicas on Saturday 13 November. I’ll send more details as and when I receive them. Lovely day out and Tracy never fails to deliver lovely layouts.

This week’s evening class will be on Tuesday 3rd. Be sure to book.
Just to recap: Classes are on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday morning from 09h30 – 12h30 (or thereabouts) and alternate Tuesday and Thursday evening from 18h00 – 21h00 (roughly)

That’s all for this week.
Have a grand weekend and hope to see you all some time soon.
Best regards

I’ll end with this letter which really did make me chuckle…..

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f@cking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'. Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . ...
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Why My Superhero?

Hi there
Frankly, I’m sick of the sound of my own voice today so I’ll just get right to it:

This week’s page is “Why my Superhero?” – Now, here you can think out the box. This does not automatically have to be of a man like your husband or father but can really be of anyone you would consider your Superhero (friend, brother, Nelson Mandela, sister, Oprah or what have you). I did mine of Precious (aka Phil). (I tried to get him to dress the part in my homemade Superman outfit and he seemed to be going along with it just fine but baulked when I tried to get him to slip into my tights). Obviously a vital part of the page is the journaling. I thought it would be a lovely idea if you were to do the page of your husband, and then get the kid to write a bit about why his/her dad is his/her Super Hero. Would be a lovely thing to look back on.
And the pics you need?:
2 jumbo portrait
4 (2up) landscape – ie two pictures printed onto one jumbo
Unless you tell a very long story with loads of hand movements, this page is really quick. I suggest you bring along some unfinished pages to while away the last hour of the workshop.
I’ll try and get the pic of the page off to you by Sunday.

Next week’s evening class is Thursday 29th. Let me know if you can make it.

I’ve got some really lovely new papers in – I’ve already packed them into great kits. So look out for some fun pages coming up.

That’s all for this week, hope something exciting happens soon in the world of scrapping before we all expire from boredom.
Have a marvelous weekend. Blessings to you

Just this week we were talking about stuff that really ages you, like knowing the lyrics to a seriously old song and remembering washtub wringers, when I received this email. Boy, did it date me! See if it does the same to you. If not, I don’t really want to hear about it thank you.

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?
''We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother' s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it... I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.Ratings at the bottom.
1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10= Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!
I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Friday, July 16, 2010


Well Hello There!
I’m still smarting at the fact that same bleeding octopus predicted all the soccer winners whilst I predicted precisely none! Every team that I supported, without exception, lost. I care not if that cephalopod lands up in some paella. Wasn’t that World Cup all together something else? I kind of feel like we all learned something about ourselves and our country from it. Made me mighty proud to be South African. Lets all do our bit to keep the flag flying.

Now, next weeks page – “Moo” (my name for my mom) – is a bit, er, pink. And I do mean PINK as in In. Your. Face. Pink. to be precise. But I have to say not a girly girl pink but rather a mad funky pink. Which means really it could be of any old subject. If you don’t have anything that would go with Crazy Pink, it would look really great with black and white pics.
You need:
2 jumbo pictures landscape
1 jumbo picture portrait
2 x (2 up) landscape
1 jumbo that can be circled.

I know by now you’re thinking that soccer page is not going to happen in your lifetime, but I assure you it’s on its way. Please be patient, your page will appear.

Next week’s evening class is on Tuesday 20th. Please be sure to book.
Last weeks page proved ever so popular – to the point that that kit is now totally sold out.

So this past Wednesday, whilst working our way through a basket of cheese muffins, we made that as old as Eve decision: Let’s go on DIET! But this time we’ll be clever and run it with a support group, much like the AA. Our fist meeting is next Wednesday just before class commences and will go something like….”Hi. My name is Alison. I’m a fatty”. “Hi Alison” – no judgement, no asking personal questions like your panty size, just love and support. We’ve even adopted their prayer (albeit a bit modified). “God grant me the serenity to accept that some things are just too high cal to make their way into my body, the courage to toss the double choc mousse cake in the bin and the wisdom to know the difference between a carrot stick and a glazed doughnut.” Feel free to join us even if it’s just via email or Facebook. Summer is looming on the horizon.

Well now, that sadly (or perhaps happily) seems to be my bundle for this week. I don’t even have any exciting new stock in or anything interesting to pass on. So until next week, I bid you….

Read on for a little giggle if you like…..

Men Are Just Happier People

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in R20, even though it's only for R32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit theywant change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay R2 for a R1 item he needs. A woman will pay R1 for a R2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shavingcream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Woolies. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items..
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favouritefoods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A - Z of You

Oh boy, did I have an interesting day on Friday. We did a tour of the Markets of Warwick Street. Now this is something I’ve driven past a number of times with my doors locked, windows up and a general feeling of panic, bordering on hysteria, but always intrigued by this other world on my doorstep. So off we went to explore. It consists of 9 different markets (mostly made up of informal traders), including the Bovine Head Market and the Muti Market both of which I found utterly fascinating. For someone who drifts between La Lucia Mall and Gateway, this was like been dropped onto another planet. We had a most excellent knowledgeable guide and were accompanied by someone from the CPF (Community Policing Forum) and TAC (Traders Against Crime) all the way so felt safe and unthreatened the entire 3 hours. It has recently been declared a World Heritage Site so it doesn’t look as though that fancy Mall is going to happen any time soon. It is really well worth a visit, especially if you’re entertaining overseas visitors. Let me know if you’d like me to forward the brochure. I could wax on but that’s not what this newsletter is about.

I’m afraid that those of you who have only produced male sprogs, This Weeks Page is not going to appeal. The A – Z of YOU and it’s all in pink and other girly colours and has sticker words: A Adorable, B Beautiful, C Charming, D Daring, E Exceptional down to Z (which naturally made me think I should do the page of myself but I was put off by the V = Vintage). Then others of you are not going to like it because it only has 4 portrait pics on the page. The idea of course would be to use 4 stunning pictures with some meaningful journaling. I don’t think it has to be necessarily of a young child, I’m going to do it of my 23 year old niece (what! again!).
Now, if you only have testosterone fuelled boys, you could still do the layout, we’d just put co-coordinating squares where the sticker words are and use boy paper.
If you no likee, you can use the opportunity to finish pages or do a past page or just come along and stare blankly at the wall.
I still have to take the pictures for my page (this arvie hopefully) but will get the page off to you asap.

I’ve had a sneak peak of the new range of Art From The Heart papers – again a lovely nice bright range that co-ordinates beautifully with the Fizz Pop/Lemon Twist range, plus a beautiful Autumn range. Then Fab Scraps are about to launch their new range which would be absolutely stunning for heritage. Lovely matching papers with these co-coordinating booklets with tags, phrases, tabs etc. Prepared to be amazed.

Apparently, or so I’ve been told, we will now have the Wednesday evening class on a TUESDAY, alternating with a Thursday. So this Week’s Evening Class will be on Thursday 15th.

That’s about it for this week. What the heck are we going to do when there’s no more soccer to watch? Boo hoo! In the meantime HIP HIP HOLLAND!!
Take care and hope to see you for a bit of scrapping.

I’ll end with this piece that will set you thinking……

Railroad tracks. This is fascinating.Be sure to read everything before the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroadTramways, and that's the gauge they used.Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.) Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else!!!!!

Friday, July 2, 2010


Well hello to you!
I have to say I’ve been stunned, let me even say shocked and dismayed, at how many of you have put your children before scrapping this holiday. I thought that’s what we had Children’s Shelters for. Or a perfectly adequate Child Welfare and Fostering system funded by your tax money. Still, far be it for me to tell you how to run your lives. I’m hoping to see you mothers back some time soon when all the small people are back at school.

Next week’s page is “Clarens” and requires:
1 jumbo portrait
5 (2ups) landscape cropped to 9.5 x 7.5 cm
4 (2 ups) landscape cropped to 6.5 x 6.5cm
2 (2ups) portrait cropped to 7 x 10cm
I did mine of the delightful town of Clarens in the Free State but quite frankly, it can be of any old theme you like. I used the Paper Loft range in pretty blue, burgundy, yellow and green.

So now this week we tried something new. As you know, things can get quite hectic in the workshops and whilst I’m a stong believer that a bit of chaos is good for the soul, things were getting a bit out of hand. So this week I tried to introduce some disipline and structure to the way the workshop is run. This seemed to work quite well and although I had no control over all the chit chat and general hysteria, we did work to some kind of system. So this is the New Deal: I am going to have to focus on the workshop of the day and give my undivided attention to those attending that particular workshop. Of course that does not mean that you can’t still come and scrap and chat or do a previous page but I’m afraid that it does mean that my focus and attention will be with those doing the workshop and I’ll only be able to help you if and when time allows.

We were hoping to have our “Finishing Pages” cheese and wine evening on Wednesday 7th but fortunately some wide awake person realised it’s the semi final which Cannot Be Missed. I’m thinking of taking myself down to the Fan Park to soak up some of the atmoshpere. So we’ll probably reschedule it for the following week. Hasn’t this month just flown? Can’t believe the WC is already winding down.
Therefore next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 8th - do join us.

Good news is that next week I’ll have bone folders, sanding blocks, brown chalk inks and Tombo glue back in stock. Let me know if you want me to keep anything aside as the stuff does tend to fly.

Those of you who are intersted in card making should really give Bee’s card classes a go. We have been making some really fabulous cards and of course, it’s always good to have time out with the girls. They are usually run on the 3rd Thursday of the month at the Racing Pigeon Club.

That’s me for this week. Stay well and happy.

I thought I’d end with this……..
Quiz for People Who (think they) Know Everything

These are not trick questions. They are straight questions withstraight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Scroll down for answers>
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls - The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.