Friday, October 22, 2010

Such Prettiness

Hi there girls

You know I’m always going on and on {ad nauseum} about journaling? Well I was chatting to Janine the other day and she put is so succinctly. She said – “the photos are the heart of your page but the journaling is the soul”. I could not possibly have put it better myself. So there, think about that next time you do a page with no soul.

This week’s page is a layout {Such Prettiness} by Mandy from Crafts From Our Heart and is a very pretty girly page using lovely papers from Art From The Heart (so much of heartiness going on!).
Picture requirements:
8 x [8.5 x 8.5]
1 jumbo portrait or landscape
Then there is a “secret pocket” where you could add an additional 5 x [6.5 x 6.5] pics or a combination of private journaling and pics.
Now fear not if you only have testosterone fuelled stinky boys or wish to do a page on your bonsai – we can always McGyver the paper to fit the theme.

Just a reminder: I’m open tomorrow {Saturday} if you feel like scrapping or just popping in for a cuppa.
I’m afraid next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 28th at 18h00 and not Tuesday as my not-to-be-missed bookclub has been moved. Do pop along for a little scrappy time. I’m afraid I’ve had to ban wine glasses from the table as some ham fisted moron has TWICE now spilled both red and white wine over some poor unsuspecting crafters page (that moron being me of course).
Next Thursday I have a vitally important meeting to attend at 12h00 so if you’re scrapping, could you come a leeetle earlier so we can finish earlier? I’d be so grateful. (Actually, I’m bound to be caught out so let me confess that the “important meeting” is a Sex and the City lunch at Mohemia. Sue me)

The new Cosmo Cricket papers have arrived – bright and cheerful they are too. Then also just arrived: tote bags (oh yes!), metal rulers (3 sizes), self healing mats, bamboo folders (stunning price), one hole punches, glitter, buttons and flowers. And the most noo noo 6x6 paper packs absolutely perfect for card making (a steal @ R32.00 for 50 pages!).

A very happy birthday to Miz Linda Hutton who {I do SO hate to use the f-word in a family newsletter} turns FORTY on Friday! Fabulous at Forty I might add. Have a great day Linda.

Other than that, not much to report.
Have a splendid weekend, whether you’re supporting Animal Anti Cruelty or CANSA (or neither).
Ciao for now

I’ll end with a few things we learn as we trundle through life (I totally agree with 3. and disagree with 11!)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people tomake a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. ! Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Sink or Swim. That's life.

Hi Girls

I’m a bit early with the newsletter this week. That’s because I’ve got masses to do but know where my priorities lie (with you!) so thought I’d get next week’s page out my way FIRST.

Oh I do so love a bit of colour blocking which is why I’ve incorporated into next week’s layout - “Sink or Swim. That’s Life”. Such a great way to use up lots of pics.
What I used was:
4 jumbo landscape – cropped to 11 x 9.5 cm
1 jumbo cut into a circle
Then I printed about 10 x 2 up’s i.e. 5 jumbo in total all of which got cropped down to various sizes.
You could also use jumbos with small subject matter and use the one jumbo in more than one block if you know what I mean.
I used the Fab Scraps Shabby Chic range but I’ve attached pics of the Hippy Chic and Urban Chic ranges which would work well as an alternative.
Please let me know if you’d like me to put a kit aside for you.

Next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 21st. 18h00 – 21h00. Don’t forget to book.

A very happy birthday to Monica for Saturday 23rd. Have a great day Mon.

Please don’t forget the Line Dance Marathon Fundraiser on Saturday 23rd at uShaka in aid of Animal Anti Cruelty. Such a worthy cause and they badly need your support. You can pop along and watch us dancing all for the price of a packet of dry dog or cat food.
I know this clashes with Scrapping 4 CANSA day in Toti I’ve just sent you but do try and attend one or the other.
I sometime think we forget how truly rich and blessed our lives are. It’s nice to spread it around a bit.
Oh, I wanted to mention: I get loads of feedback from my newsletter but no one ever comments on my blog (which is the same newsletter). Please do, it looks like such a lonely unread and unloved site!
That’s my bit for this week. Have a dandy weekend.
Kind regards

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I {Love} to Play

Well hello there!

So, I’m making steady progress with the roller blading (i.e. I’ve advanced from my carpeted studio to the smooth tiles of my bedroom). My Ry Daar requires some fine tuning as I still seem be smacking into any objects in my path, both animate and inanimate (actually to be truthful, even things NOT in my direct path).

As you may have noticed, we’ve had a spate of pages with just a couple of pics on them which as you know are not my favourite layouts (coming a close second to pages with NO journaling) So next week’s page is {I Love to Play} and uses the lovely bright primary papers from Art From the Heart and has 10 pics on it. I used:
6 jumbo cropped to 8 x 8 cm
2 (2up) portrait – 7cm x 10cm
2 (2up) either landscape or portrait
As the title suggests it can be of anything that conjours up playfulness and here you can think a bit out the box. It doesn’t HAVE to be of your playful cherubs but can be of, for example, your Labrador pup or you at your tap dance class. I was going to do my page with pics of me rollerblading but my camera seems to have a developed a major flaw – all the pics of me show odd lines on my face, what could be mistaken for bags under my eyes and makes me look twice my natural size. My mother claims the camera is merely picking up my laugh lines but quite frankly, I don’t remember ANYthing being THAT funny. And to think how much I paid for it.
This is why my page as yet does not have any pics on it. I’ll try and get it off tomorrow – just doing the finishing touches (read: I’m not yet satisfied with it).
Please book your kit as stock is limited.

Next week’s evening class will be on Tuesday 12th at 18h00. Please book {if you like}.

Lovely new Cosmo Cricket papers are making their way to my awaiting arms as we speak. I’m hoping the tote bags will be in late next week – my humble appologies to all of you who have been waiting so patiently for them. I don’t like to shift blame, but I have to say that this time it’s the suppliers. Some new glitter coming too just in time for Christmas along with one hole punches, bone folders, en so voort.

I’m so excited. Di from RS&E is going to be coming in to do a fantastic Mini Album project here some time soon using the lovely October Afternoon papers. This is a lovely take on the traditional mini album with great fold ups and pockets etc. I thought it would make a stunning Christmas gift to give to gran, your hubby, your therapist or what have you. I’m thinking lets make it an extended lesson to include a light lunch. I’ll try and get the dimensions and sample of the papers off to you beforehand so you can plan your pics and we could possibly finish the project on the same day (always the top prize for me. I’m tired of these gazillion unfinished works of art). Keep an eye out for details.

I’ll also be having a gift tag making day in November which will include tea and cake (like we need it!). This will just be a fun morning to use up all our old Christmas paper scraps. I’ve got some gorgeous new clear Christmas stamps we can all use.

Talking about Christmas gifts, the divinely talented Ms Chantal and Cheryl from Imagine That at The Crescent are having what looks like is going to be a great all day crafting event at the Norwegian Hall in St Thomas Road on the 30th October. I’ve attached all the details for you to have a peek. Do try and attend, even if it’s just to laugh along with (or at, if you must) the very funny and amusing Chants.

A very happy birthday to Audrey Buckley for Sunday – have a great one Auds. And happy birthday to Bev Sole who is proof that 60 is the new 40. Have a great birthday and trip to UK Bev.
That’s my bundle for this week…..scrap on…..hope to see you some time soon.
Your scrapping buddy

I know this has been around before [and before that] but it’s so sweet. I partiulary like the “fibula”!!

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Friday, October 1, 2010

Summer Memories

Hi there
I got this mad insane idea that I need to learn to rollerblade (actually, it wasn’t a sudden whim; it’s been on my bucket list for years along with learn to play the piano, speak Zulu, make a roulade etc). Anyway, Alanna kindly loaned me her absent daughters blades and I did my first stumble across my studio yesterday. I nearly landed on my bum when I did my victory whoop when I reached the ribbon rack, unaided. Of course I realise blading on a carpet might be a totally different lark to doing it on smooth concrete. Still, persevere I shall. I aim to be flying along that new run way on the Durban Beachfront in the next month. Watch out {!} if you’re there, my cruise control might not be that good.

This week’s page is Summer Memories and is a lovely layout by the very talented (and divine) Laurie. Now, this is the page that has the waterfall booklet on which I mentioned in a previous letter. It requires us to work step-by-step together to assemble it so you can’t be racing ahead (and then blaming me for any cocky’s). It comes in kit form so please let me know if you’d like me to set one aside for you. The papers are Kaiser Kraft and the combo’s are too bootiful (don’t you sometime feel you want to lick nice paper? I do). I know this kind of thing is not everyone’s cup of tea but I encourage you to give it a go as it’s always good to learn something new, even if you have no intention of repeating the exercise. If it really gives you the grills, you can do a common garden type booklet.
I changed the photo requirements slightly from Laurie’s and used:
1 (13 x 15) landscape
6 jumbo portrait (5 of which got the chop slightly – height wise)
2 (2 up) – 1 landscape and 1 portrait.
(if you’re battling to find portrait pics, you can use 2ups (10 x 7.4cm) landscape pic inside the booklet x 5)
As the title suggests, the layout will work well with anything to do with summer – picnic, beach, pool or what have you.

Next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 7th. Do let me know if you can make it.
I’ve still got some kits put aside here for some of you – please do come in and claim them before they grow fur.
I’m a bit stunned that Christmas is nearly upon us! I’m frantically casting about for a nice thing to do for Christmas gifts. Stay tuned.
(I won’t be mentioning Halloween as I’m anti all that Yankee Doodle stuff)

Nothing to report this week (we gotta get some excitement going here gals!). Don’t forget to support the Animal Anti Cruelty Line Dance Marathon on the 23rd October. If you can’t make it, perhaps you’d think of dropping a bag of dog or cat food off with me and I’ll get it to them (I promise not to eat it).
All that’s left to say is….. happy scrappin’.

Take care

This is a bit naughty, but does make me chuckle……..

SING IT GIRLS!!! OUT LOUD (To “I Will Survive”)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I ' d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you ' ve brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!
Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,
Don ' t you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren ' t you a brat to think I wouldn ' t find you out!?
Don ' t you know we ' re only joking when we say size don' t count??!!

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My s * x life ' s gonna thrive!
I will always have good s * x,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I ' m saving all my lovin ' for a cordless multispeed!

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My s * x life ' s gonna thrive!
I will always have good s * x,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

Friday, September 24, 2010

{Together} if you like

Howdy Doody

Well, we sure did have a fun day at the Hillcrest Fund Raiser last Saturday. And they raised R30 000 for the school to boot! Is that not fabulous? That’s more than I’ve raised for myself in the past 4 years! Such a success in fact that I think they’ll probably run another one so keep an eye out. It was also great to see some of my old customers and catch up on a bit of their news.

Now, I’ve either got lots of you not coming next week as it’s school holidays or others who’ve booked and are wanting to be catching up on a missed layout. So I’ve decided that I’d show those of you wanting something new, the page we did with Venessa Matthews on Saturday. It’s a lovely page, not too fussy with a lovely focus on the photo’s. You need:
2 x jumbo’s – landscape
7 x 2 up (10cm x 7.5cm) portrait (won’t work with landscape)
Her title was {Together} but you could do it of any theme using any title. I’m not packing kits for this so you can choose your own paper.

I’ve recently had a number of enquiries from gals who’re unable to attend a workshop [running after kids, having their teeth whitened, go the snivels or what have you] and they were wondering if they could do my workshops at home. Well of course you can. Absolutely. What I do is type out the notes and email these to you along with a pic of the page. Then all you have to do is collect it. There are one or two that I wouldn’t recommend you try at home on your own (like next week’s waterfall affair which is quite complex). But on the whole, my layouts are pretty easy to follow with a few notes on size etc. As my fee is so little (more of a tip really), the price remains the same.

Because of the past card class on Thursday 23rd, it threw the evening classes out a bit so next week we’ll be having an evening class on both Tuesday 28th and Thursday 29th. Always a pleasant evening (made all the more pleasant with the intake of a bit of fermented grape juice). So do book. 18h30 – 21h30.

A very happy birthday to Tersia who has a birthday on Monday. Have a good one Tersh!
I haven’t heard of anything exciting coming up {in the scrapping world that is, lest you think I’m talking about the bedroom}. Let me know if you have. I know Imagine That are having a great craft day some time soon but I haven’t received the details yet. Will let you know if and when I hear anything.
So all that’s left to say is have a fabulous long weekend, keep safe if you’re on the roads and have a happy scrappin’ week!
Best Regards

I don’t like to get too political in a newsletter but I thought this was rather interesting………

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in
one of its press releases.

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
A billion Rand ago was only
27 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our government
is spending it.

Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporation Tax
Income Tax
Fishing Licence Tax
Food Licence Tax
Fuel LicenceTax
Petrol/Diesel Tax
Hunting Licence Tax
Luxury Tax
Property Tax
Service charge taxes
Capital gains Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Local Tax
Vehicle Licence Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Not one of these taxes existed 20 years ago...
And our nation was one of the most prosperous in Africa.

We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in Africa
And Mum stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

I hope this goes around
At least a billion times.

What the HELL happened?????

Monday, September 20, 2010

Birdie Num Nums

Hi Peeps
Strange weather this. Not sure whether to pack away the woolies or not. Tried a cozzy on yesterday that had me weeping in the change room – I think for now I’d rather be all bundled up. I’m even leaning towards donning a burkha.

Now, next week’s page is Birdie Num Num and is a real girlie girl one – all pretty pinks, greens and browns with little birdies and journalling blocks. Doesn’t have to be of a little girl but of any thing girlie if you get my drift. I used:
3 jumbo portrait
2 jumbo landscape
1 (2up) landscape
Let me know if you want me to keep you a pack (this page is very paper specific).

Bee’s card class will be held here at SBJ on Thursday 23rd @ 17h30. Please let me know if you’ll be attending as Bee will only do a workshop if we have at least 7 people.

This means that we’ll have to make the evening class on Tuesday 19th. Do book.
Enjoy the Hillcrest fund raiser, all of you who will be attending. Sure is an early start!

I know there are other bit of news to impart to you but I just can’t think what they are right now. I’m sure to remember just minutes after I press “send”
Have a fabby dabby weekend and scrap away.
Kind regards

The Four Ages of Man.

15-30 yrs : Kanonkop

31-50 yrs : Meerlust

51-60 yrs : Rust en Vrede

61 yrs + : Allesverloren

Friday, September 3, 2010


Greetings scrappers!

Well spring has sprung and on the 1st I found myself spontaneously leaping into a wild demonic spring cleaning frenzy. It was, like, INSTINCTIVE! Actually, to be more accurate, I phoned Charmaine, my beloved trusty temp domestic and she did all the leaping with me looking on in an advisory capacity. Sometimes I love Africa.

As I mentioned in my last newsletter, I’m off to Kaapstad for (hopefully) some wild and memorable days. Five to be exact. This means that SBJ will be closed from Thursday 9th until Tuesday 14th. Otherwise, it’s business as usual so no need to stay away.

So, next week’s page is a Family layout designed by the talented Lee-Anne Fisher (see attached). It really is a lovely page with paper ribbons, flowers and chipboard bits. It has only:
2 jumbo landscape
1 (18 x 13 cm) landscape
Will work brilliantly with lovely pics of the whole family together, either in colour or B&W. The kits comes with all the chipboard pieces, blomme etc.

There won’t be a newsletter next Friday as I’ll be away so let me tell you now about the following week’s workshop: we will be playing Catch-Up as there are so many of you behind with pages. So come along and catch up on any of those missed workshops. I’ve got a spate of great layouts in the pipeline. You have to admit I’ve been bloody marvellous at churning out a workshop every week, on time, even if I say so myself.

There’s been a bit of a hiccup at the Racing Pigeon Club where Bee holds her card making workshops – seems those bleeding lice ridden flying rodents have come home to roost and they keep canceling Bee’s hall hire (the owners, not the pigeons). She’s asked if I’d mind hosting a card workshop here at SBJ – still at the same time of 17h30 on the second last Thursday of the month. As you know, space is limited here so can you give some indication of whether you’d like to join us on Thursday 23rd.? Actually, rather than and “indication” we’d need a firm booking.

Do you know that when I opened Scrapbook Junction in 2003 I charged R35.00 for a workshop and now, in 2010 I’m charging……. R35.00. The reason I made the decision to keep the fee way below the annual rate of inflation is so that you can spend more on the actual page. Now I’ve had to make a small adjustment here: you are absolutely welcome to bring your own paper to a workshop along with all your embellishments but I’m afraid the workshop fee will then be R55.00. This is still WELL below the general teacher fee in Durbs and the surrounds. I hope you understand.

That’s my bundle for this week. Look out for deluge of layouts of the magnificent Cape! Take care of yourselves, and scrap on……
Kindest of regards

Let me end with Larry’s proverbs…….. (chuckle chuckle)

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Friday, August 27, 2010

World Cup Soccer II

Hi there girls
All this toyi toying is fast making my lovely after glow from the World Cup Soccer fade to a dull dark cloud. What a great pity. Just when we were all feeling so unbelievably positive and realising the potential of this lovely country of ours.

So, maybe it’s fitting that this week’s page is of the Soccer World Cup II, lest we forget that great event. This time it has loads of info all over the page. (Just as well as last week we were all kind of battling to remember who was in the 3rd place playoff! Just a month after the big event!). You can either add your own journaling or use mine which was basically just recording who the teams where, a bit about Bafana Bafana, Zakumi, the vuvuzela etc. As you can see, I also got ALL 32 flags on the page! I’ve used:
1 jumbo portrait
1 jumbo landscape
5 (2up) landscape

I’ve got some great stock making its way to Scrapbook Junction – lovely Cosmo Cricket paper (gorgeous!), chipboard embellishments, loads of flowers, tote bags, Tombo glue, black and white brads etc.

Next week’s evening class will be on both Tuesday 31st and Thursday 2nd. The reason for this is that because the following week I’m off to Cape Town for a little jollie patrollie from Thursday 9th until Tuesday 14th so SBJ will be closed over those days. Still open for all the other days though so no need to fall in a heap. (I do have to laugh at how we think – saw these fabulously cheap air tickets to CT, snapped them up only to then realise we’d then need to: hire a car, find accommodation, eat out all day, buy all that Cape wine…..I think I’ve been suckered)

Please do remember to book for workshops and also, I’d be so grateful if you would please cancel if you’re not able to make a booked workshop. And please do feel free to pop in any time of the day or night, just check to make sure there’s someone here to help you.

I’ve got loads of paper kits here that people have asked me to keep. Please make a plan to pop in and collect and pay for them.
A very happy birthday to Kelly Horton for next Friday. Have a good one Kel.
Surely by now you’ve booked for the Hillcrest Primary Fundraiser on the 18th September and the Megacrop on the 13th November? Hu?

That’s about all I have for this week. Hope to see you all soon. I’ll end with this weeks chuckle……..


6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket - not your stub.'

4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant,
'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said,
'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
'A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Little Miss Sunshine

Hello Happy Scrappers!
Shew! This has been a blerrie cold week! I even had to defrost my nipples on Thursday to stave off frostbite. Still, I shudder more when I think of February….

Next week’s page is a design by Ellie Griffiths. Nice uncluttered page with clean lines. I’ve called mine “Little Miss Sunshine” and is of (big surprise) the lovely little Ms Emma. You need:
2 jumbo portrait
3 jumbo landscape (one of which has about 4cm chopped off it)
The central landscape jumbo gets sliced down the centre to fit on both pages so you need to bear this in mind when choosing your pics. In other words don’t pitch with a pic with a huge face on it so you land up with an eye on each page. The background paper is yellow which I have to say is my least favourite scrapping colour but in this case I think it worked well.
You need to bring 6 yellow buttons and a white gel pen.

Next week’s evening class will be on Tuesday 24th. Let me know if you can make it. No class on Thursday evening as that’s the night of Bee’s Card Class - 17h30 at the Racing Pigeon Club in Durban North. Booking essential.
Unfortunately there will be no workshops on:
Tuesday morning (24th) – off to do my last mosaic class
Saturday morning (28th) – Rikki and I are taking a stall with our Koolitz Cool Ties at Crawford.

If you haven’t already done so, there is still time to book for:
The Hillcrest Primary “We Love Our School” fund raiser on Saturday 18th August. Should be a fun day.
Mega Crop at Sicas Guest House on Saturday 13th November.
Let me know if you need booking forms.

I’m hoping to have the Fab Scraps Heritage paper in stock later in the week. Seriously stunning. And absolutely superb to use in an 8x8 album. I’ve also ordered loads of flowers that should be in some time soon plus some chipboard embellishments.

I got a bit of a skok when I saw how close we are to Christmas! I’m already casting about for nice scrapping gift ideas that we can do in November (unlike past years where we’re been caught madly scrapping on the 15th of December to get finished.) I’m going to try and find a biggish project (like the calendars) and a smallish project (like the one sheet mini album) to try and please y’all (yeah, right….)

And lastly a happy birthday with to Sharon Chetty for her birthday on Wednesday. It was remiss of me not to mention Ada’s birthday on the 8th – but you know we luv ya.

That’s all folks. Have a marvellous week and keep a smile on your dial.

I’ll end with these true classified ads……

8 years old. Bites!
Hateful little bastard.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
Mother, A Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog .
Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
Looks like a rat.
Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
And the best one:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica,
45 volumes. Excellent condition.
£200 or best offer. No longer needed,
Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Soccer World Cup 1

Hi there.

Feel it. It is here. The Soccer World Cup layout that is. Yes, I’m sure you were loosing the faith but here it is. Now, this page is a loose scraplift of Marge Cox’s stunning page which won best World Cup layout in the recent Scrapping & Kie competition. (I only scraplift from the best I’ll have you know).
The pics I used where:
5 (4ups) – ie 4 pics printed onto one jumbo – 3 landscape, 2 portrait
2 (2ups) – ie 2 pics printed onto one jumbo - landscape
2 jumbo landscape.
(where I used the 2 ups and 2 jumbo, Marge used one stunning A4 landscape picture so you can do that if you prefer).
Now, the kit comes with:
The paper, soccer title, soccer ball strip and the hexagonals but you need to bring, if you want to use what I used :
Soccer playing cards purchased from C N A for R12.00 (the one with all the players)
Small South African flag stickers
A white gel pen (very important and like hens teeth to find although I’ve been told the Ink Spot has loads).
Any other pharaphanalia you might have – tickets, flags, Zakumi or what have you.
(incidentally, did you know that that strange little spotted leopard Zakumi (if indeed he is a leopard), created by one Andries Odendaal, was born in 16 June 1994 on Youth Day. The “ZA” is the international code for South Africa and “kumi” means ten in several African languages, referencing 2010?)
Soccer kits are limited so might be best to book one. (I’ve got one booked for Ada, AnnMarie, Alanna and Monica so far – hope I havent left anyone out)

I’m expecting a collective gasp of disbelief as you all realise that there is aboslutely NO journaling on this page. Now, before you start thinking I’ve fallen into your slovenly ways regarding journaling I have to tell you this is but one of TWO world cup layouts. Layout two will be positively awash with journaling. Who, what, where, why and how. You are more than welcome to scraplift as much of this information as you like.

I’ve attached the advert for the Scrapkits day at Sica’s for November 13th. Space is limited so make sure you book early.
You got all my info this week about the school Scrapping Fundraiser?. Do hope you’ve booked.

Evening class next week will be on Thursday 12th – let me know if you can make it.
Please make a note that I’ll not be open on Tuesday 10th as I’m off to a Retailers Day.
Bee tells me that her card class this month is going to be fabulous ( when is is not?) – I’m not sure of the date but I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything

Sheila is looking for someone to scrap a project for her. I’m afraid I just don’t have the time but I told her that I mix in a circle of very advanced scrappers, superior to me in many ways (a harmless little white lie, fingers were crossed) and that one of you might like to take on the project. She’s happy to pay of course. Let me know if you can take this on.

Wishing all you lovely ladies a fabulous Women’s Day on Monday. Go on, do something just for yourself.
Take care, have fun and laugh often.

I thought I’d end with these touching responses from kids who were asked what love is…….

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8

And the final one The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Friday, July 30, 2010

No Page

Howdy Doody

Don’t ask me where this week went as I have absolutely no idea. Now, I confess – there is no new layout for next week. My bad. I just kind of lost my scrapping mojo this week and even found myself feeling slightly billious whenever I looked at all these colourful sheets of paper around me and bits of scrapping garnish.

However, the good news is that my soccer goodies for the World Cup 2010 page has finally arrived and I found myself looking at it all with something close to affection. So my plan is that I will devote a good part of my weekend to creating something lovely for the following week.
In the meantime, I know there are loads of you who are behind with workshops so I thought this would be a great time to play catch up. Or bring that box of unfinished pages in. And remember girls: NO MORE MUNCHIES during the workshops. You will be frisked on arrival and the sniffer dog will be on hand to ensure you are carrying nothing more than carrot sticks and low fat cottage cheese on your person.

Diarise: Scrapkits will be holding another Megacrop at Sicas on Saturday 13 November. I’ll send more details as and when I receive them. Lovely day out and Tracy never fails to deliver lovely layouts.

This week’s evening class will be on Tuesday 3rd. Be sure to book.
Just to recap: Classes are on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday morning from 09h30 – 12h30 (or thereabouts) and alternate Tuesday and Thursday evening from 18h00 – 21h00 (roughly)

That’s all for this week.
Have a grand weekend and hope to see you all some time soon.
Best regards

I’ll end with this letter which really did make me chuckle…..

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f@cking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'. Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . ...
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Why My Superhero?

Hi there
Frankly, I’m sick of the sound of my own voice today so I’ll just get right to it:

This week’s page is “Why my Superhero?” – Now, here you can think out the box. This does not automatically have to be of a man like your husband or father but can really be of anyone you would consider your Superhero (friend, brother, Nelson Mandela, sister, Oprah or what have you). I did mine of Precious (aka Phil). (I tried to get him to dress the part in my homemade Superman outfit and he seemed to be going along with it just fine but baulked when I tried to get him to slip into my tights). Obviously a vital part of the page is the journaling. I thought it would be a lovely idea if you were to do the page of your husband, and then get the kid to write a bit about why his/her dad is his/her Super Hero. Would be a lovely thing to look back on.
And the pics you need?:
2 jumbo portrait
4 (2up) landscape – ie two pictures printed onto one jumbo
Unless you tell a very long story with loads of hand movements, this page is really quick. I suggest you bring along some unfinished pages to while away the last hour of the workshop.
I’ll try and get the pic of the page off to you by Sunday.

Next week’s evening class is Thursday 29th. Let me know if you can make it.

I’ve got some really lovely new papers in – I’ve already packed them into great kits. So look out for some fun pages coming up.

That’s all for this week, hope something exciting happens soon in the world of scrapping before we all expire from boredom.
Have a marvelous weekend. Blessings to you

Just this week we were talking about stuff that really ages you, like knowing the lyrics to a seriously old song and remembering washtub wringers, when I received this email. Boy, did it date me! See if it does the same to you. If not, I don’t really want to hear about it thank you.

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?
''We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother' s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it... I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.Ratings at the bottom.
1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10= Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!
I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Friday, July 16, 2010


Well Hello There!
I’m still smarting at the fact that same bleeding octopus predicted all the soccer winners whilst I predicted precisely none! Every team that I supported, without exception, lost. I care not if that cephalopod lands up in some paella. Wasn’t that World Cup all together something else? I kind of feel like we all learned something about ourselves and our country from it. Made me mighty proud to be South African. Lets all do our bit to keep the flag flying.

Now, next weeks page – “Moo” (my name for my mom) – is a bit, er, pink. And I do mean PINK as in In. Your. Face. Pink. to be precise. But I have to say not a girly girl pink but rather a mad funky pink. Which means really it could be of any old subject. If you don’t have anything that would go with Crazy Pink, it would look really great with black and white pics.
You need:
2 jumbo pictures landscape
1 jumbo picture portrait
2 x (2 up) landscape
1 jumbo that can be circled.

I know by now you’re thinking that soccer page is not going to happen in your lifetime, but I assure you it’s on its way. Please be patient, your page will appear.

Next week’s evening class is on Tuesday 20th. Please be sure to book.
Last weeks page proved ever so popular – to the point that that kit is now totally sold out.

So this past Wednesday, whilst working our way through a basket of cheese muffins, we made that as old as Eve decision: Let’s go on DIET! But this time we’ll be clever and run it with a support group, much like the AA. Our fist meeting is next Wednesday just before class commences and will go something like….”Hi. My name is Alison. I’m a fatty”. “Hi Alison” – no judgement, no asking personal questions like your panty size, just love and support. We’ve even adopted their prayer (albeit a bit modified). “God grant me the serenity to accept that some things are just too high cal to make their way into my body, the courage to toss the double choc mousse cake in the bin and the wisdom to know the difference between a carrot stick and a glazed doughnut.” Feel free to join us even if it’s just via email or Facebook. Summer is looming on the horizon.

Well now, that sadly (or perhaps happily) seems to be my bundle for this week. I don’t even have any exciting new stock in or anything interesting to pass on. So until next week, I bid you….

Read on for a little giggle if you like…..

Men Are Just Happier People

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in R20, even though it's only for R32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit theywant change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay R2 for a R1 item he needs. A woman will pay R1 for a R2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shavingcream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Woolies. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items..
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favouritefoods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A - Z of You

Oh boy, did I have an interesting day on Friday. We did a tour of the Markets of Warwick Street. Now this is something I’ve driven past a number of times with my doors locked, windows up and a general feeling of panic, bordering on hysteria, but always intrigued by this other world on my doorstep. So off we went to explore. It consists of 9 different markets (mostly made up of informal traders), including the Bovine Head Market and the Muti Market both of which I found utterly fascinating. For someone who drifts between La Lucia Mall and Gateway, this was like been dropped onto another planet. We had a most excellent knowledgeable guide and were accompanied by someone from the CPF (Community Policing Forum) and TAC (Traders Against Crime) all the way so felt safe and unthreatened the entire 3 hours. It has recently been declared a World Heritage Site so it doesn’t look as though that fancy Mall is going to happen any time soon. It is really well worth a visit, especially if you’re entertaining overseas visitors. Let me know if you’d like me to forward the brochure. I could wax on but that’s not what this newsletter is about.

I’m afraid that those of you who have only produced male sprogs, This Weeks Page is not going to appeal. The A – Z of YOU and it’s all in pink and other girly colours and has sticker words: A Adorable, B Beautiful, C Charming, D Daring, E Exceptional down to Z (which naturally made me think I should do the page of myself but I was put off by the V = Vintage). Then others of you are not going to like it because it only has 4 portrait pics on the page. The idea of course would be to use 4 stunning pictures with some meaningful journaling. I don’t think it has to be necessarily of a young child, I’m going to do it of my 23 year old niece (what! again!).
Now, if you only have testosterone fuelled boys, you could still do the layout, we’d just put co-coordinating squares where the sticker words are and use boy paper.
If you no likee, you can use the opportunity to finish pages or do a past page or just come along and stare blankly at the wall.
I still have to take the pictures for my page (this arvie hopefully) but will get the page off to you asap.

I’ve had a sneak peak of the new range of Art From The Heart papers – again a lovely nice bright range that co-ordinates beautifully with the Fizz Pop/Lemon Twist range, plus a beautiful Autumn range. Then Fab Scraps are about to launch their new range which would be absolutely stunning for heritage. Lovely matching papers with these co-coordinating booklets with tags, phrases, tabs etc. Prepared to be amazed.

Apparently, or so I’ve been told, we will now have the Wednesday evening class on a TUESDAY, alternating with a Thursday. So this Week’s Evening Class will be on Thursday 15th.

That’s about it for this week. What the heck are we going to do when there’s no more soccer to watch? Boo hoo! In the meantime HIP HIP HOLLAND!!
Take care and hope to see you for a bit of scrapping.

I’ll end with this piece that will set you thinking……

Railroad tracks. This is fascinating.Be sure to read everything before the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroadTramways, and that's the gauge they used.Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.) Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else!!!!!

Friday, July 2, 2010


Well hello to you!
I have to say I’ve been stunned, let me even say shocked and dismayed, at how many of you have put your children before scrapping this holiday. I thought that’s what we had Children’s Shelters for. Or a perfectly adequate Child Welfare and Fostering system funded by your tax money. Still, far be it for me to tell you how to run your lives. I’m hoping to see you mothers back some time soon when all the small people are back at school.

Next week’s page is “Clarens” and requires:
1 jumbo portrait
5 (2ups) landscape cropped to 9.5 x 7.5 cm
4 (2 ups) landscape cropped to 6.5 x 6.5cm
2 (2ups) portrait cropped to 7 x 10cm
I did mine of the delightful town of Clarens in the Free State but quite frankly, it can be of any old theme you like. I used the Paper Loft range in pretty blue, burgundy, yellow and green.

So now this week we tried something new. As you know, things can get quite hectic in the workshops and whilst I’m a stong believer that a bit of chaos is good for the soul, things were getting a bit out of hand. So this week I tried to introduce some disipline and structure to the way the workshop is run. This seemed to work quite well and although I had no control over all the chit chat and general hysteria, we did work to some kind of system. So this is the New Deal: I am going to have to focus on the workshop of the day and give my undivided attention to those attending that particular workshop. Of course that does not mean that you can’t still come and scrap and chat or do a previous page but I’m afraid that it does mean that my focus and attention will be with those doing the workshop and I’ll only be able to help you if and when time allows.

We were hoping to have our “Finishing Pages” cheese and wine evening on Wednesday 7th but fortunately some wide awake person realised it’s the semi final which Cannot Be Missed. I’m thinking of taking myself down to the Fan Park to soak up some of the atmoshpere. So we’ll probably reschedule it for the following week. Hasn’t this month just flown? Can’t believe the WC is already winding down.
Therefore next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 8th - do join us.

Good news is that next week I’ll have bone folders, sanding blocks, brown chalk inks and Tombo glue back in stock. Let me know if you want me to keep anything aside as the stuff does tend to fly.

Those of you who are intersted in card making should really give Bee’s card classes a go. We have been making some really fabulous cards and of course, it’s always good to have time out with the girls. They are usually run on the 3rd Thursday of the month at the Racing Pigeon Club.

That’s me for this week. Stay well and happy.

I thought I’d end with this……..
Quiz for People Who (think they) Know Everything

These are not trick questions. They are straight questions withstraight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Scroll down for answers>
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls - The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Live for the Moment

Howdy Doody

So, this World Cup has got me thinking: why can’t Durbs, or the country for that matter, have this many foreign tourists, level of security and fabulous vibe ALL the time? Seriously, does the place not feel Alive With Possibilities? Every single foreigner I’ve spoken to has been blown away with the fantastic fabulosity of the people, the facilities, the service and the general bonhomie of the place. I’ve asked them all to be ambassadors for South Africa and go and spread the good news about their very positive experience here. Then we just need to get those bleeding expats to stop bad mouthing the country. I’m also going to get hold of Durban tourism and give them some of my (brilliant) suggestions for making Durban even better, all year round. (Can you begin to imagine all the fabulous activities they could put on at that new beach front?). We’re no longer feeling so much the poor cousin anymore nê?

Anyway, I digress, this is meant to be about scrapping:
This week’s page is another layout by Tracy Shimper – “Live for the Moment” - using her delicious Argyle Sweater, Houndstooth Blue and Chocolate Stripe papers: all brown, light blue and olive green colours. I’ve printed my pics in sepia but her colour pictures look just as good (pic to follow this arvie). The pic requirements are:
1 x (15cm x 20cm) landscape photo (6 inch x 8 inch)
1 x (13cm x 18cm) landscape photo (5 inch x 7 inch) – cropped to (12.5 x 17.5cm)
1 x (10 x 15cm) portrait photo.
1 x (10cm x 15cm) portrait photo – cropped to (6.5 x 15cm)
1 x (10cm x 15cm) portrait photo – cropped to (8.5 x 15cm)
4 photos – suitable for cropping to (7cm x 7cm)
You can do it of any theme – could be a butch page if you like although it does have a splatter of blomme on the page.

Now, in case you think I have no intention of scrapping anything to do with the World Cup – you’re wrong. I’ve got two lekker pages in the pipeline. Just waiting for the suppliers to deliver the goods. I have in stock right now chipboard “South Africa”, “2010”, “Soccer”, and soccer balls.

Us die hard scrappers decided we like this All Day scrapping lark so will be planning another one some time soon.
Next week’s evening class will be on Wednesday 30th – book if you’re keen.
Don’t forget the Prawn Festival at Colisheen in Ballito 2nd, 3rd, 4th July.

That’s about if for this week. May the festiveness last long after the WC ends……..
Blessings – Alison
(I’ve just heard on the radio that the Italians just visited an orphanage in Gauteng. “They had such sad forlorn faces” (according to Sipho, aged 7.) Tee hee.

Do more than belong: participate
Do more than care: help
Do more than believe: practice
Do more than be fair: be kind
Do more than forgive: forget
Do more than dream: work
William Arthur Ward

Monday, June 21, 2010

Soccer Fever Reigns

Hi there Girls
So sorry for the lateness of this weeks newsletter but I’ve been running around after all these lovely foreigners trying to ensure they leave here with a positive experience. Tiring work. But ever such nice people.

This week’s page is "Soccer Fever" which unlike it may sound, really is not in a soccer theme at all but can be a lay out of anything. It’s of my surrogate grandchild who is naturally soccer bef*k right now (‘scuse language) as you might well imagine. The page is in bright orange, blue and green and is ideal for a smaller girl or boy theme, maybe in the garden, as it has bugs all over it. However, you could well leave the bugs off and it would still make for a lovely page. Or even use completely different paper. I’m forgoing my dance class tonight to finish it and hope to get a pic of the page off to you girls tomorrow.
Photo requirements are:
1 A5 Portrait (1/2 A4): trimmed to 13.5 x 20 cm
6 (2 up) portrait : 2 trimmed to 6.5 x 10 cm
2 trimmed to 6.5 x 9.5 cm
2 trimmed to 6.5 x 9 cm
9 (2up) landscape: trimmed to 8 x 6.5 cm

I will be doing a proper World Cup page in the near future. Watch this space.

I’m going to have to ask you all to bear with me this week. Our B&B guests are all on holiday and are in NO rush to get up for breakfast. Some even strolling in as late as 09h30 looking for a meal. So if you like my undivided attention, this would not be a good week for you to come and scrap as I might be rushing between the two. There is even the faint possibility that I get confused and give you the fried eggs and bacon and toss a packet of brads at some poor Norwegian.

This week’s evening class is on Thursday 24th. Booking is essential. Do hope you can make it.

Got some new Fab Scraps papers in – lovely they are too. I’ve had a sneak preview of what they’re launching next month and it looks fabby dabby. For those of you who were waiting for the African range, that’s now in so you’re welcome to come along and do the Wild Times page if you prefer. Also got a sneak peak at the Art From The Heart range for next month – really great. I’m just loving all this local paper.

Don’t forget to blow your vuvuzela (or voo voo sailor as my Canadian friend called them) for Bafana Bafana. This is our LAST chance. I thought it was a bleeding disgrace the way the supporters left the stadium before the end of the game. What an insult to Uruguay!! Makes me feel a bit ashamed when I see that kind of thing.

Blessings to you all and happy scrapping.

I thought I’d end with this bit about how times they have a’changed…..

SCHOOL 1979 vs. 2009
Scenario: Jimmy and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1979 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Jimmy and Mark shake hands and end up friends.
2009 - Police called, arrest Jimmy and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Jimmy started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School board hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs.

Scenario: Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1979 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for attention-deficit disorder . Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1979 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.

Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1979 - Mark gets glass of water from teacher to take aspirin with.
2009 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Parents car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario : Muhammed fails O-Level English.
1979 - Muhammed has additional English lessons, passes and goes to college.
2009 - Muhammed's cause is taken up by Parliament. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that Muslims believe teaching English is racist. Lawsuit filed against school system and Muhammed's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Muhammed given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from November 11th, puts them in a bottle, blows up an ants nest.
1979 - Ants die.
2009- Police & Anti-terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, Anti-terrorism Squad investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario : Johnny falls while running during play time and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1979 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sawubona!! Howzit!! Môre!!

Let the Beautiful Game begin…….. Yeehaaaaaa!

Well we sure did have a full and fun filled day with our card making Soup and Slippers day on Tuesday 8th. I don’t think any of us have EVER seen the table in quite such a state of disarray! And it rained all day which is to me the best snuggy weather to scrap in. We’re definitely going to do more full day events – it really was great fun.

Here’s a brief summary of what’s happening in the next week:

Tuesday 15th: Another card Slippers and Soup day by popular demand with one or two people scrapping instead. 09h30 – 16h00

Wednesday 16th : Closed for Youth Day (what the heck am I going to celebrate – maybe “Young At Heart Day”?)
This means that the evening class will now be on Thursday 17 not Wednesday 16. Please do book as I’ll go to my mosaic workshop at 17h00 if there are not takers

Thursday 17th: Just a happy scrappy day. 09h30 – 12h30

Friday 18th: Kids Card Class. Rikki and I will be doing a fabulous Kids Card Class (was going to be a whole day event but I came to my senses in the nick of time!). This workshop is not suitable for kids under 8 as some of the cards are a bit intricate. Cost is R120.00 including all supplies and will run from 09h00 – 12h00. Please send them along with a drink and snack. Plus a ruler, pencil, scissors and Pritt glue. Booking is essential.

For those of you who wish to scrap next week, the page is a lovely Tracey Schimper layout. It’s in lovely bright lime, yellow, red, light blue colours and is suitable for a variety of themes. The requirements are:

Materials required but not supplied
- Dark brown liquid chalk
- Olive Green Pastel liquid chalk
- Brown acid free journaling pen
- Pop dots- Corner rounder punch
- Eyelet punch to create holes for the file fastener
- Stapler and staples
NOTE: The photos specified below are those immediately visible on the layout. Additional photos may be included in the booklet if desired. Tracy has lightly sanded the edges of all her photos using medium-grit sandpaper – this is optional
- 1 x (15cm x 20cm) portrait (vertical) photo (6 inch X 8 inch)
- 3 x (7.5cm x 10cm) portrait (vertical) photos
- 2 x (10cm x 15cm) portrait (vertical) photos – cropped to (7.5cm x 15cm)
- 2 x (7.5cm x 10cm) landscape (horizontal) photos – round the corners
- 1 x (7.5cm x 10cm) photo – cropped to (6cm x 6cm) – suitable to fit into a “frame”

I know it’s been done before, but Wednesday 23rd will be a Colour Blocking workshop by request. This to me is still one of the best ways to put loads of different pics on a page.

That’s it for this week. Wishing you all a fun filled and safe World Cup. The country’s gone mal!! Do join in.

I’ll end with this sad little poem by Pam Ayres (really moved me as I could feel myself relating to it)

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old Dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits..

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

Friday, June 4, 2010


Whoop Whoop!!

Can you feel it girls? Soccer fever is HERE! I’ve been having what I call “the warm fuzzies” all week - so much positive stuff happening. What a wonderful time to be in South Africa, and indeed, to be a South African. Please do join me in giving all the visitors to our shores a warm welcome so that they leave here with loads of positive feedback about our stunning country and not the usual bad news stories the press so love to spread.

So, as you know, with the schools breaking up next week, we’ve decided to have our Soup & Slippers Card Marathon on Wednesday as so many of you are going to be tied up with kids. This is going to be a lovely chilled day just making cards with all our old scrap paper and embellishments. Please do wear your old track suit and slippers. We’ll be stopping for a delish drop of soup with some crusty bread. And as has been said, if you don’t want to do cards, you’re welcome to join us for a “page finishing” session (yes, those gazillion unfinished pages we’re all sitting with). You can also just come along and scrap if you like.
I’ll be open on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday as usual for scrapping – come along with your pic and we can do a missed layout or make something up.

Now you might think that all this card stuff means that I’ve been snoozing in the scrapping department. Not so. I been a busy little worker bee. The following week’s page is a Tracy Schimper page using her lovely Fizz Pop, Lime Juice and Lemon Twist papers. Lovely bright paper, perfect for kids. I’ll be sending out the requirements for that next week (not on Friday, that’s when I’ll be leaping around blowing my vuvuzela).

Lovely to have Melanie here as a guest teacher – such a fabulous page although we all looked like dancers from Teazers afterwards with all that glitter. Thanks Mel.

Next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 10th.
My scrapping mojos back big time with LOADS of page ideas floating around the right side of my brain – I just need to get them translated onto paper.
Anyhows, I know its school holidays but I’m hoping some of you are still going to be able to snuck off for a bit of scrapping therapy.
All that’s left to say is….. GO South Africa!! Go Bafana Bafana!! The country is going to ROCK!!
(I love the enthusiasm of the guy in the attachment!)

Take care, happy scrapping and a HAPPY & SAFE World Cup.
Kind regards

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Guten Tag!

German obviously and if you hear some poor bugger shouting “Hilfe!” it’s probably some poor lost German tourist looking for “help” in which case you step in and do your civic duty (which in South Africa usually means taking him home for a braai and a few Klippies and coke before putting him on the right track). I’m really starting to feel the buzz. Aren’t you? I’m just LOVING all the flags on the cars flapping in the wind. I obviously had to buy Phil a Pommy one but I’ve balanced it with a South African flag out the other window for fear of him been stoned.

Well here’s a first in my little home studio: I have a GUEST TEACHER this week on Wednesday. Yes, Melanie will be coming in to do her Ooh La La page. You know the black and white Fab Scraps range I showed y’all? That’s what she’s used. It’s a really lovely page incorporating a fabulous shaker box, glittered title and taffeta. She’s done it of her daughters dance pictures and has introduced pink card stock and pink beads (inside the shaker box) to complement the pink in the pictures but you could bring in any other colour you like. This page would work fabulously well with a variety of themes – from formal dance picture, wedding pictures to family shots. I also think it would look stunning with black and white pictures. You need:
4 jumbo landscape
2 (2up) portrait.
I’m hoping to be able to send you a pic of the page before Wednesday but if I don’t, I can assure you this page won’t disappoint. You need to bring your own beads or you can add them to your shaker box at a later stage.

Well, after that rush on the African Contrasts range, I’ve had to order more which should be in some time after the 7th. I’ve also ordered more of that fabulous pink and green range from Fab Scraps which some of you missed out on or want to do another page using the same paper. Do let me know if I must keep you a pack.

Next week’s evening class will be on Wednesday 2nd at 18h00 (or 18h30 as some of you seem to prefer). Please book.

Some of you have indicated that you might not be able to do too much scrapping during the holidays (when personally I think you need it most!) so we’ve decided to do a whole day of card making on Wednesday 9th. The idea is to bring along all your old co-coordinating scraps and left over bits and bobs and I’ll put out loads of stamps, embossing templates, ribbon etc and we just make gazillions of cards. I’ve been making lots of little mini cards which has been great fun. This will be an all day affair with a break for soup and crusty bread at lunch time. You are required to wear slippers and preferably a track suite or something comfy. And most importantly, something that shows where your alligence lies for the World Cup (hat, flag, face paint or whatever) If card making doesn’t blow your hair back, you’re welcome to come along and just scrap (and stay for soup or not). Please book for this so I know how many lentils to start counting out for the soup. Cost is R35.00 including lunch.

I was going to run the Comrades but my legs were wobbly before I had even made it to my car. Good luck to all of those of you who are undertaking this big run.

That’s my bundle for this week. Take care and happy scrapping.

I thought I’d end with these wise words from Bill Gates……..

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things he did not and you will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault , so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life!
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Wild Times

Bonjour mes Belles Dames!
(that froggy language)

This newsletter come to you a day or two early because I’m off to Clarens for the weekend. Somewhere I’ve been dying to go to for ages. I’m nearly overcome with the excitement of finally going. I feel awful that I’ve turned so many of you away for Saturday – so sorry but I’m also a much nicer person if I have the odd break.

Next week’s page is “Wild Times” and has a {huge} number of photos and I do mean {HUGE}. Now, I do know that some of despise having booklets on your page so the good news is that you don’t HAVE to do the booklet – you would put pictures where I’ve done the cover and dispense with the rest. I’ve designed this page specifically for game park pictures (hence the massive number of photo’s – I’m one of those people who has to photograph the animal from four angels just to make sure I got the shot!) but it can easily be adapted to any theme buy changing the paper. I’ve used the Fab Scrap “African Contrasts” range (see attached) which has worked brilliantly if I say so myself. Some of you might also not want to make the booklet as thick as I have so this can also be reduced.
With this in mind, I’ve broken down the picture requirements page by page so that you can decide how big you want to go (with a summary of the total pictures at the end)
Page 1
Booklet cover: 3 (2up) landscape (10cm x 7.5cm)
Inside cover: 1 jumbo landscape (cropped to 10 ½ x 10cm)
Page 1: 1 jumbo portrait
2 (2up) landscape
Page 2: 3 (2up) landscape
Page 3: 1 jumbo portrait
1 (2up) landscape
Page 4: 2 jumbo landscape
1 (2up) landscape
Page 5: 3 (2up) landscape
Page 6: 3 (2up) landscape
Base 2 (2up) landscape
Page 2
4 (2up) landscape
4 (4up) landscape (7.5cm x 5cm)

Jumbo Landscape: 3
Jumbo Portrait 2
2 ups Landscape 22
4 ups Landscape 4

If you want the page to look like mine, you’d need to bring the exact same pictures for the booklet cover and page 2. However, for the inside of the booklet, you can use any combination of jumbo, 2up or 4 up that you like (you can even just chop up all those gazillion jumbo’s you’re sitting with instead of printing specifically)
Now, the booklet made this all quite heavy so I’ve adhered the base page to a piece of cardboard and then put the booklet on with a paper fastener right through the board. You’ll need to bring along a piece of firm 12 x 12 board plus a paper fastener (of which I’m afraid I don’t have stock).
I also heat embossed the “Wild Times” title and the chipboard filmstrip. Please feel free to bring your own embossing powder or you can use mine for a small extra charge. You also need an ink pad for the embossing.
I’ve still got to put the finishing touches to the page – if I get time I’ll send out the picture.
Shucks! You might like to go and have a little lie down after reading all that.

Next week’s evening class will be on Thursday 26th. Please make sure to book.

I just have to end with this little letter to Truworths from Sipho which I thought was too funny for words……. I just loved the ending.


Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7 August 2009 in which for the 3rd time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to pay as soon as possible.

However I would like to bring to your attention that you are not my only creditor. I have many more creditors, quite as honourable and important as you, and whom I wish to pay too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly. The one drawn is paid immediately. I hope that yours will come out shortly..

Sincerely Yours,

PS: I regret to inform you that given the harsh and threatening tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.

Have a great and splendid weekend!
Best Regards